how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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