Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
