Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
