she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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