Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm gonna fight the coyote
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
