matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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