I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
