I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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