if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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