i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
