it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
