I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
