watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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