Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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