I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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