I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
