:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
