Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
