and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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