I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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