So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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