Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
