that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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