I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize