Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
