idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
