smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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