So drunk its hurt
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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