You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just gargled with NyQuil
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
