Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize