please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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