Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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