just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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