he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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