WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
