Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize