it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
