she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
