The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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