He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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