hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
be right there i have to get my cape
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
