Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
