Swine flu. Run for my life!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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