i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
