Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
