She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize