matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
