Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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