He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We just shotgunned beers for America
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
