God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize