My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
