you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
