I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
