There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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