Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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