Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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