I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The best revenge is premature balding
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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