You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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